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My son is driving me crazy tonight, and it’s driving a wedge between Tahnee and I.  Neither of us is able to live our own lives because of him. Neither of us can spend time together anymore.  I see him drive her to the brink of a breakdown and I go in to try to help, and I get frustrated with him in the process, which drives her even more crazy, which drives me more crazy.  It’s non-stop.  There’s 18 more years of this shit, and I really am not looking forward to it.  

I just put on my Facebook status that he’s driving me crazy tonight, and all of these people are liking my status.  Fuck you all.  I’m glad to see that my misery is something that you all like.  

And I’m just waiting for my Mom’s typical response, “Payback’s a real bitch, isn’t it?”  Unsupportive advice might as well not be said.  Just pisses me off more.  

He’s driving us both to the point of extreme exhaustion.  And I’m not happy with my life because of him.  I usually just keep myself busy, but I’m so exhausted anymore that I just try to chill at home, but he’s always screaming bloody murder when I’m home, and Tahnee shouldn’t have to be the one that’s always handling the situation, although she does far more with him than I do.  So I try to help, but we both know that I’m not helping at all.  And that gets frustrating.  

I love spending time with Tahnee, but I don’t look forward to coming home anymore, because I know he’s just gonna drive me crazy again.  Everyone keeps saying that it’s gonna get better, but has yet to.  Pretty soon he’ll be walking and talking, and that’s gonna be better?  At least right now he’ll mostly stay in one spot and I can walk away for a few minutes when he’s driving me nuts.  How’s walking and talking gonna be better?  I’m not buying it.  When he’s in a good mood, he’s fun to have around.  But more times than not, he’s crying or screaming.  I hate feeling this way, but I just don’t wanna be here anymore. 

I’m fed up.  

In other news, I passed a kidney stone today.  Only two more to go.  *twirls finger*

I really wonder if I’ll ever be truly happy again. 

3 responses to “My son is driving me crazy tonight, and

  1. Marc Shook ⋅

    Mike….BREATHE…it’s perfectly normal to have feelings like this. And yes, it does get better. Having a baby is a HUGE lifestyle change, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a negative one. At the end of the day buddy, the way you approach the situation changes the outcome. From experience, I can tell you two things: 1. MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER. You have to continue having a life with her as well as with the baby. It may not be for a week, or even a whole night, but MAKE time for you and her at least once a week.
    2. Chaos breeds chaos, and peace breeds peace. Before you get home, get your mind right. Breathe, eat some ice cream, listen to “Sunshine and Lollipops”, or go beat the hell out of a heavy bag. Whatever gets the negativity out of your mind. Find a place in your mind that breeds patience and kindness. You’ll find it. It’s hard, and I didn’t find mine for a while either. Be patient with your son, and be patient with her as well. This is a brand new experience that is incredibly stressful, BUT it is EXTREMELY rewarding as well.

    I know my words may not help your current feelings on the matter, but remember that you are his father, and how you leave a legacy or footprint in his life IS entirely up to you buddy.

  2. mmathia

    Thanks man. Helps a bit.

  3. Marc Shook ⋅

    Good…refocus that negative energy into loving and patience. I promise that if you do, your life will be much more rewarding and a hell of a lot less stressful. As a parent, you really have to rethink and refocus your life goals, and make those goals include raising your son. Remember, you guys both chose to create this wonderful gift. Treat it as one, not as a hindrance to your former way of life.

    Remember: BREATHE buddy…LOL

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